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Self-Absorption

     I was on my way to write this article when I got caught up in thinking about what I would say. How would I frame my questions to tickle the reader's mind? Was I capable of displaying enough insight and wisdom to write this article? What would my mother think? Why attempt to do such a tough article, anyway? Nobody would want to read such an article, perhaps I should strive for something lighter. Then people would like me more. And then I wouldn't get so much hate mail. And that would be nice…..And so on and so forth, my mind chattered away at me.

     Self-absorption. It is an ugly thing. Especially when it's you. It's much easier to point the finger at others instead of looking squarely at the content of your own soul. The first paragraph offers a perfect example of self-centered thinking. Who was I thinking about in writing this article? Was it you, dear reader, struggling to cope with your own personal issues, struggles and trials? Or myself? The answer is clear - it was all about me. This article is designed to serve notice and focus attention on the self-absorbed monster that is alive and living in all of us. It is an acknowledgement of the struggle we each must undergo to leave the 'me' behind in an effort to become part of the larger 'we'. It is also a re-statement of our need to focus on others and not be lured into the all too seductive realm of self.

What Is Self-Absorption?

     Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and Thesaurus defines self-absorption simply as 'preoccupation with oneself.' We all do it. How do I look? What do you think of my new ride? What can I do to improve myself? How do I feel about what just happened? That lady got on my nerves so bad. Why doesn't my partner care more about how I feel? When is this service going to be over? - I'm bored. Why is that person shouting so loud? - I can't even focus on service. And on and on.

     And the endless beseeching of God to meet our needs: Lord, why do I have to go through so many trials? Don't You still love me? Why is it that people who don't even know You seem to be happier than me? I need a new car, Lord, you promised that You would pour out the riches in heaven, so where is it? Lord, I need a new house, this house is too small for me and the kids. Lord, I need a blessing. You promised me a blessing, and I need it now. Please, Lord, take care of me. Provide for me. Give me. Pay attention to me. Please. Lord, me…me, me, me, me me. Are you listening, Lord?

Signs of Self-Absorption

     Self-absorption includes zoning out, daydreaming, being non-communicative, sleeping excessively, eating excessively, retreating into yourself for long periods of time, not returning phone calls, calling because you have a problem, giving only to those who give to you, putting yourself and your needs above everyone else's. All the time. Every day. Day after day after day. Getting what you want out of a relationship. Being demanding. Being passive. Being whatever it takes to get your mate's attention. Having unrealistic and rigid expectations of others. Thinking you are the center of everyone else's universe. Your thoughts, your mind, your friends, your calling, your weight loss plan, your ministry, your pastor, your church, you, you, you and more of you.

     Who do you think about when you wake up first thing in the morning? Is it yourself and your needs and wants for that day? When you pray in the morning (if you pray), what do you pray about? Lord, I need or Lord, please help someone else? Lord, provide me with, or Lord, please make provision for us all? Is it me, mine and my own or we, us and ours?

Let's Make A Change!

     I can't condemn us for our attitudes, because then I must condemn myself. Instead, I challenge each of us to make a change! Right here! Today! I challenge each us to make our lives about something other than ourselves, our family, our friends and our things. It says in the Bible that even sinners show kindness to those who love them. That's easy! It's much harder to extend ourselves beyond our circle of friends, family and well-wishers. What about showing love to a racist or sexist person who has no love for you? What about showing love to the neighborhood homeless person (you see him every day!)? How about calling someone just to see how they are (and actually meaning it) instead of calling to tell them how you are? How about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home not because of the money you expect to get when she dies, but because she is a human being and deserves to be shown love? Why don't you reach out to that one person at church that nobody likes and say hello or invite him or her to lunch or dinner? Not because it'll make you more popular or well thought of, but because that person needs someone to show him or her that kind of love.

     In other words, make your life more about serving other people than about serving yourself. I'm not suggesting that you fail to take care of yourself or that it's wrong to focus attention on yourself on a regular basis, but it is wrong to use all your energies, all the time, in pursuit of your own personal vanity. Choose to focus on other people, on their problems, on their concerns and what you can do, as a Christian, to help to eliminate or lessen those problems, issues and concerns.

Life is not all about you. It never has been nor will it ever be. If you were lucky enough to be lavished with attention as a child or the center of your parent's universe, cherish those memories, because that's the last time you will ever feel that way! If you are lucky enough to have a spouse, friend or relative who thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, cherish them, show them your love and appreciation in tangible ways and acknowledge all the goodness they have brought to your life. 99% of the people you meet in life will not think that way, so make sure you value those who do. And, an even better strategy to receiving love is this - instead of waiting for someone to make you the 'love' of his or her life, make someone the 'love' of your life. Shower that person with kindness, gifts or attention. Celebrate that person. Celebrate who they are and what they are all about. If that person likes to shop, remember sales you have seen or pick things up for that person when you're at the mall. If that person loves dolphins, make sure you find a dolphin card, ring or pendant to give them often as gifts. Make a special effort to remember birthdays or other special days in that person's life. This person could be your mother, your best friend, a co-worker, or someone that you see at church. Anybody! And here's an extra bonus - by showing open-ended love to someone else, you open them up to showing that kind of love to someone else. And for that someone else to show that kind of love to someone else. And the love you have shown will continue to grow.

Be A Light

     Practice showing kindness to your friends, neighbors and co-workers. Spend the day saying 'Good Morning', 'Good Afternoon' and 'Good Evening' to everyone you see. When you ask someone 'how are you' actually listen to the response. When people send you verbal clues about their interests ('I went fishing this weekend') follow up on that with some other questions. Like, 'Where did you go?', 'What type of fish did you find?', or 'Did you catch anything'? You might, for the first time, find out that your co-worker is a widower and that he spent that weekend alone with his only son. Or that he is a champion fisher and was featured on a local tv program. In any case, it brings you closer to him and, especially in the case of those that are unsaved, it brings them closer to God.

     And that is the greatest crime we sometimes commit as Christians - failing to show the un-churched or unsaved the saving love of Jesus Christ! We are many people's only connection to God! If we can't show them what a true relationship with God looks like, where the heck do you think they are going to get that information?

    Be a light in your community. Always Remember others in your prayers. Pray for people you know.  Pray for our leaders.  Pray for your church.  Pray for people who work with you.  Pray for people who don't know God.  Practice random acts of kindness.  Say hello and good morning to everyone you meet. Make sure you are smiling when other people are frowning. Show concern and be involved in a life other than your own. Extend yourself beyond the realm of your friends, family and co-workers. Reach out and make a difference in someone else's life. And stop, stop, stop thinking about yourself all the time. Your hair looks fine. Your car looks great. Your weight is unchanged. Your wife and kids are impressive. You are okay.  So move on.

     And if you can't stop thinking about yourself - let me give you different set of criteria:  How is your spiritual life? How is your walk with God? What difference have you made in another person's life? How many people can call you friend or point to something you did for them that changed their lives? How many people have you introduced to God? To how many people have you shown the Love of God? What great thing did you do in your life that benefited others? What great thing have you done today?

     Life is not all about you. Make your life about serving God through serving others. The rewards will be great. And this, in the end, will make your life worth living.
 

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