Since then, I have discovered that strength has nothing to do with the values our society and, in particular, my family hold dear. We see strong individuals as those who are 'in charge'. Those who do it 'their' way. Those who do whatever it takes to get to the top. Those who don't mind being manipulative, deceptive or dishonest as a means to an end. Those who can speak the loudest. Those who can win the most arguments. Those who are the most persuasive or glib of tongue. Those who have the most money. Those who drive the nicest cars. Those who have a legion of people to follow their orders and cater to their needs. Those who are surrounded by an 'entourage.' Those whose faces appear before us on the news or on the radio. Those who control the U.S. Congress or have attained the office of the presidency of the United States. Oftentimes, we respect what a person has, not the person himself. And, if a person has enough, we are more than happy to turn their negative or unpleasant character into positives. I can give a lot of examples here, but I won't. Just think of someone who you might otherwise not respect who holds a higher office or whom you perceive to have more 'power' than you. Can you think of any negative quality you have deemed positive simply because it is associated with this person? Like coldness or abruptness? Like self-centeredness or self-absorption? Like vanity or insensitivity? Like greed or over-developed ambition? If this person possesses these qualities and has so much, you figure, those must be the qualities to have.
The bible does not define strength the way we do. Paul was happy with his weaknesses because he realized that through those weaknesses, God's strength was made perfect. The bible says to be strong yes, but in the Lord. Not of our own strengths and ego.
Who is really strong? Is it the man who is the loudest and can bully others because he is bigger than most other men? Is it the woman who has made millions and uses that wealth to intimidate or impress other people?
Is it the parent who uses his or her authority to raise of legion of miniature servants? Is it the boss who forces his subordinates to work long hours to 'prove' their dedication? Is it the preacher who beats his parishioners over the head with images of their worthlessness and takes all their earnings, too? Is it the self-help guru who provides you with book after book to 'fix' you, which you find you cannot do without his or her continuing help? Is it to be found in a belligerent attitude that challenges the world to accept that person as is, good, bad or ugly? No, I disagree.
Strength is found in the wife who nods her head and quietly accepts her husband's decision to move them lock, stock and barrel across the country in pursuit of his career. Strength is found in the person who lets another person 'win' an argument or debate because it would destroy that other person's ego not to. As a matter of fact, some of the strongest people around never argue at all. They quietly make their point, they are passionate about what they believe, but they don't belittle or degrade others in the rush to make their points and be right. Mahatma Gandhi was strong. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was strong.
Strength is found in those who do all the work to make an event, outing or function happen and are content to let the acclaim pass them by. Strength is found in those who clean up after you in your office, or at home and never complain and never seem to mind your insensitive remarks. Strength is found in the person who is fully capable of standing up for himself, but simply chooses not to. Who is willing to allow you to be the victor at the cost of winning himself. Strength is found in the person who puts you first, when he or she is fully capable of putting himself or herself first. Many people put other people's needs first out of fear, loneliness or need. That is weakness. Strength is being capable of winning the victory, but pulling back to allow someone else to claim the crown. Strength is allowing another person's intelligence to shine through even though you are the one with the Ph.D. Strength is knowing who you are so deeply, that no rejection, disapproval or disrespect can dislodge it. Strength is not shouting it from the rooftops, but quietly passing it on, person by person, conversation by conversation. Strength means strength of self that is to be found in God. Strength is strength in Him and is not and cannot be found in our own abilities. True strength comes from God, not from within ourselves.
Which is why those that are truly strong need no award ceremonies, no banquets thrown in their honor, and no trophies to acknowledge who they are and what they have done. They are satisfied by who and what they are in God. They are satisfied in the knowledge that they have served a living God who rewards them in secret as they proclaim His works in the open. Who are validated from within and do not require validation from the world. True strength lies in God.
So I have had to re-evaluate my ideas of strength versus weakness. I have come to realize through my travails through adolescence and young adulthood that strength is not at all what I believed it to be. I have found that those around me who are strong are not those who tell the world all about themselves, but all about the God they serve. That tell of the victories and, yes, of the pain, but reflect the glory back to the One who brought them through. Who do not want to tell you about what they can do, but all about a God who is able. Who do not have to have the last word or any words, but is willing to allow you to have your say. Who have a light of their own, but allow you to shine undiminished. Whose own identity is not threatened by your own blossoming personhood. That is strength.
As I strive to re-order my thoughts about what it means to be strong, I remember that weakness can be found in many forms in today's society - in those who use others to get what they want, through people who bully others, through the lack of concern about the well-being of others, through self-absorbed and self-centered behavior. Instead of being weak, I have decided to be strong. I will strive to be whole and unique in Him, and not to be jealous of others who share those qualities as well. I will learn to put other people first and honor them for their gifts. I will allow God to honor me as He chooses. I will take my strength from Him, not from the flattery of others. I know now that strength can be found in God. I know that if I am strong in Him, my life will be well-lived and yours will be as well.
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